I love to find great crafty ideas, but, I never make them!

I admit it. I print out tutorials on great little projects all the time. I waste so many trees doing it-because I NEVER actually do them. This weekend I did spend a few hours working on Grayson's Activity Book. I did the outside cover (from an old pair of Jeans, and started one inside page with (from a bed skirt I bought at the Goodwill Store for $1) that has some counting buttons. I'll be finishing off the zipper & snap pages this coming weekend as I have 4 hours on the calendar for "creative time".

Now, I just found a great Tutorial for a tote bag that I MUST make! Take a peek at Snips & Spice to see it: Snips & Spice: Anthropologie Inspired Tote I hope that I don't just add it to the pile of cool ideas! I will add it to the creative calendar for April...since Grayson's book will take up the rest of March & I also have a full day of scrapbooking with my cousin on March 27!!

I do find a greater sense of calm the day after I make significant progress against one of my "wannado's"!

Do you create motivation or does it just start on it's own?

I'm really good at getting to all of those "gotta do" things in life:  Wash bottles, Do laundry, Change diapers, Clean toilets, Make dinner, Go to work. OK so I'm not so good at excercising.

I'm also, not very good at my "wanta do" things:  Scrapbook, Read, Play Wii, Go to the movies, Finish a sewing project, Make the baby's activity book.

I originally thought it was a "lack of motivation".

After a lot of pondering, I think that it all stems from an incorrect definition.

Let's face it, I used to do soooo much more with my time when I was so much more busier (in my 20s).  I think about college when I worked almost full time, pulled an internship, had a full academic load, and had a fabulous night life.  Then all of the "gottas" and "wantas" were the same. AND I had the same amount of sleep then.

Was I more highly motivated then? Or, was it just a way of life?

Again, it's definitions isn't it?

So, I am now resigned to define what I do as what I "wanta" do.  I don't think it's the case that I need to let some of the "gottas" fall off of the list...I just need to redefine my "wantas" as "gottas".

If you build it, the motivation will come.  I need to stop waiting for the magic switch to be thrown and that I'll be automatically energized to do all that I "wanta". I need to just start and the motivation will build.

Right?

I have conversations in my head.

I have conversations in my head all the time.  These could be conversations with myself, a friend, relative, the world.  The problem is that on a rare occassion when I actually begin a live conversation with someone it doesn't happen like the one in my head--and it makes me very angry.  Why can't I explain that I'm trying to do 60 hours worth of work in 40?  Why can't I make my point that living in a world of denial is sometimes better than reality? This is why I like candidate A more than B. Why can't I articulate that living a life of "OK" is fine with me...I don't need huge goals to prove that I'm living a full life? 

I find that as I age, this is getting worse. It's getting to the point that I do not want to have a serious conversation with people anymore...because they won't go along with the pre-imagined conversation I had 3 minutes ago.  It is very disappointing when someone agrees right off and you can't use your best thought through arguments.  OR, even worse, when they completely disagree with what your pre-conceived notions are-ones with which they should totally be in line.

What do I do with that?  How can I stay a part of society if I don't want to be in world that isn't under the control of my own mind?